Thinking about coming back...

I have absolutely no idea if anybody will even read this considering how long I've been gone...but I'll give it a go anyway.

So yeah, I'm thinking about coming back to this blog. There's been a lot I've been wanting to write lately and I'm missing this outlet. But I've got to be honest, I'm totally out of the blogging loop so I'm hesitating a bit. Also, I'm not sure if I'm ready to put myself out there again, seems like there's so much to say these days!

But first things first, I need to spruce this thing up...a whole heck of a lot. Have ideas? Tell me how to make this place pretty!

In the meantime, I'll be working on a few post...oh and here's what the fam's looking like these days...



Hope to "see" you soon!

A long overdue Goodbye?

Yep, it's been over two months since my last post.

Am I alive? Am I OK? Am I still on the search for balance?

Yes. Yes. And yes.

It's amazing to me to think about all that's happened in the past year or so. So much life has been lived. So many ups and so many downs.

Lately, things have been good. Busy. Sometimes hard, but good.

In that quest for balance that I left you all with a couple of months ago, I realized that some things just had to go. And some things just had to come in.

Unfortunately, the blog is one of those things that had to go.

I love blogging, I love writing and I love sharing. But the time consumed by it all was just too much.

I've written so many blog posts in my head over the last two months, but have not been able to dig up the time to sit down and get it all down. Add downloading, editing and uploading photos...that's an hour or two of work!

So what am I doing with my time?

I've lost about ten pounds now that I'm working out about 3 times a week. I've been spending more time on what we eat. We've been working on the house. I've been chasing after TWO very mobile children. Working. And now I'm going to be starting some classes to clear my credential.

When I have a few moments on the computer to myself, it's usually spent watching a tv show or two. The last thing I want to do is think.

So, is this a goodbye? Quite possibly.

Is it forever? Doubt it.

I'm sure I'll post here and there. And who knows, with summer coming, maybe I'll be more inspired to post more. Or maybe I'll just use nap time to float in the pool.

I'm so sorry to those of you who use this blog to follow along with the kids. If you would like, you can keep up with my flickr photos. On the right of this page is a flickr photo slideshow. That will link you to my page and you can add me as a friend. Flickr will send you emails whenever I upload new pictures.

Yes, I know those pictures are also quite old. Well, the power cord of my mac broke AGAIN, so I have a ton of photos on my camera that I have not uploaded to a computer or to flickr. When I finally go get a new cord, new photos will be posted...I promise.

Thank you all for being such awesome readers...hopefully, I'll be back again soon!

feeling human

So last week I went and got a pedicure after work. I slept in this morning until almost 10 since Isela woke up for almost an hour each time twice last night (very unusual for her). Today I got my hair cut. I'm going to get my brows done in a bit. Tonight I'm going out with my BFF since like 6th grade since she's visiting from the East Coast. I'm joining the YMCA that is soon opening near our house.

People. I almost feel human again!

What I love is that Dan hasn't even batted an eye as I do all of this. I didn't do the kid's laundry last weekend and it's now magically done. Well, not magically, it was done by Dan.

Goes to show that much of my guilt and expectations are self inflicted. I'm looking forward to making regular visits at the gym at the Y and doing more to keep up on my personal self-maintenance. It makes such a big difference in my mood and self image.

You all were right, taking care of oneself is just as important as taking care of everything and everybody else. Yay for feeling human again!

What brings you balance (or close to it)?

I'm loving hearing from all of you...tell me more!

Like I've said before, I'm always juggling at least two to three things at the same time...whether I like it or not. So now that I have more time, I have more time to juggle, not necessarily do things for myself. I'm feeling like it's just a fact of my current life, but the more I hear from you all the more I'm thinking I may need to put my foot down and get some *me* time.

So what is it that brings you balance...or close to it? Is it yoga? A drink with friends? A warm shower? Fifteen minutes locked away somewhere? What recharges your batteries? What keeps you from burning out? And most importantly, how do you keep the guilt at bay??

Share with me, share with us all...I'm sure many of us can use the ideas!

Not quite "balance", but close enough.

When people hear that I work part-time, three days a week, I often hear that it must be a nice "balance". This is after all why I went part-time, right? To find some balance?

Well, I kept reminding myself of this when I found myself overwhelmed over the past few weeks. I reminded myself that I should be happy because I do finally have this elusive "balance", right? Or at least, I'm supposed to have it so I should start feeling "balanced" already, right? But I didn't, and then I would feel guilty, because I wasn't appropriately appreciating my new schedule and which then caused myself to feel even less "balanced".

A week or so ago at a playgroup, when this discussion of "balance" came up again is when I finally realized: Screw Balance. I'm tired of chasing it and being let down.

I didn't have it before kids. I especially won't have it after kids. It doesn't matter what my work schedule is or isn't like. Kids and Balance are just two things that don't go together. I may strive for it. I may get close to it. But I won't ever get it and I need to stop feeling guilty when I don't have it and I feel like I should.

This schedule may not have given me complete balance, but it did give me more time with my family. More time to clean the house. More time to work on the yard. More time to give to others. No, it did not give me more time to give myself. Am I totally OK with that? Not really. But it's all good because it did give me the new found absence of that feeling of dread come Sunday night.

I used to hate Sunday evenings because I would literally get depressed. Depressed that my weekend had come to an end and I was in fact working for the weekends. Now I actually kind of enjoy my "Sunday" nights (which are actually Monday nights). I like getting ready for the next three days, knowing my time at work will be busy, but a little less emotionally demanding. I like knowing my mind can wander away from things like naps, snacks and dog hair. Believe it or not, my three days midweek "working" are a little less work than my four days "off".

And that's OK. I enjoy my "Sunday" nights now and enjoy my "Friday" (actually Thursday) nights even more. It's nice to look forward to something...it's not balance, but it's close enough. And I'm not going to feel even a little guilty about it.

Well, I DID have my evenings back...

but yesterday I remembered that this weekend we spring forward. I was actually really looking forward to the time change, but now, not so much.

I'm hoping Joaquin won't go to bed any later than 7:30 or 8...but Isela will be a completely different story. Tonight she didn't go to bed until just after 8, so in time-change-land that is just after 9.

Nooooooooo!

There goes my evenings.

Why are you suddenly blogging again?!?!

Over the past year or so, Joaquin has gone on a few nap strikes and each one drove me batty. He would just refuse to nap, but then would be super insane until bed time. Yeah, he went to bed early, but the afternoon of hell totally didn't make it worth while...until now.

He started skipping naps again a few days a week in the past week or two, but now he's totally cool all afternoon...and then he goes to bed at like 6:30 or 7!!! And then wakes up at like 7 or 8!!!

I know, right?

So now I have my evenings back. Isela is still kind of all over the place with her schedule, but she won't go to bed any later than like 8 or so, so yeah...I have my evenings back!

Tonight they were both down by 7. Seven. SEVEN. (OK all you Friends addicts, where is that from ?)

If you're not a parent you have no idea how amazing this is. If you are a parent...holy crap, this is amazing.

Blogging was one thing I was really missing lately. Blogging is for me, for me to sort out my thoughts and feelings and also to help me remember. There is just so much to remember and if I don't take the time to get it all down...it's just gone. So with this time, blogging is definitely one thing I'm going to get back to doing.

On a totally different subject, take a look at this uh-maz-ing lamp we got for the dining area...







I found it on craigslist but needed to get it rewired and it was totally worth it. This room is finally coming together. Other than getting more stuff on the walls, we're on the hunt for a couple of nice chairs to replace that green one and set up a little sitting area with a small table, maybe possibly a rug...although we're really diggin' the open floor space in this room.

I know I haven't given you many pictures of the house, I've been meaning to, I promise, and hopefully I'll finally be able to at some point in the semi-near future. We shall see!