A few weeks ago, during my winter break, I woke up to Bella barking like crazy at something in our neighboring alley. I assumed she was just barking at our neighbor, Patrice, and her dog, Max, going for their daily morning walk, so I ignored it. Still, after about 5 minutes or so, she continued to bark. By this time I was in the kitchen starting a pot of coffee. I peeked my head out our kitchen door to shut Bella up, but as I looked out into the alley I saw three teenage kids in bulky hooded jackets. They were hanging out around a car in the parking spaces across the alley. I saw one of them lean into the car and pull out what looked like a yellow walkie talkie while two others looked up and down the alley giggling mischievously. I clearly saw one of them was a girl, the other two were boys, all were dressed in the usual "gang" like attire. My teacher instincts almost kicked in as I nearly yelled out to them "What are you guys doing?" or something to that effect. But I quickly caught myself and just quietly closed the door and called the police non-emergency number.
The kids walked down the alley and up my street while I walked down to the sidewalk with Joaquin in one arm and the phone in my other hand with the police on the line. I described them as best as I could as they quickly started to fall out of sight. They had no idea I had seen them or was still watching.
Patrice and Max soon came out and I told her what I had seen. She went to the car across the alley and sure enough the window was broken. I relayed the information to the dispatcher and they said they would send a car to the area. She took my name and number and I thought I was done with my good deed for the day.
Not quite.
Patrice then got the neighbors who owned the car. She kept asking me what to do next, but I really didn't have much of an idea. I suggested she call the police and file a formal report. If they catch the kids, I'm sure they would contact her. I really had no idea if the police would even bother to try and find the kids, but at least she could file a report and it would be on file just in case.
I went back inside and started some breakfast for me and Joaquin, but after only a few minutes I noticed a police car in the alley outside my side door. The officer was talking to the neighbors and they were pointing at my house, so I went outside to see if I could help with a description or something. As it turned, out they had three kids in custody and they needed me to confirm it was in fact the right kids. I explained I was a High School teacher in the same area and that most likely those kids go to my school. I did not want them knowing what I looked like, where I lived and where I worked in case of retaliation. He explained that they would not be able to see my face or be able to identify me in any way. He also said that the kids had had quite a busy morning, and that they caused some considerable damage all over the neighborhood.
So Joaquin and I, both still in our PJ's, were loaded into the back of the police car off to identify these young criminals. I never knew how uncomfortable the back of a police car was. There is literally no room for your legs. I had to sit with my lets crossed "indian" style and Joaquin sat in my lap. I guess if you're in a cop car, it's OK to not have a car seat? We were only going a few blocks and he drove like five miles an hour, so don't yell at me. This whole thing happened so fast, I didn't really have time to think about the car seat.
As we were driving there, we drove past a couple walking their dog. They both just stared at me and Joaquin as we drove by. That's when I realized what I looked like. My hair was a mess, I didn't wash my face the night before, so I had that ever so lovely look of "the morning after eye make-up". I was only wearing a thin t-shirt. No bra. To top it off, I was in my PJ pants with only socks. No shoes (not that they could see my feet, but still). I'm sure I looked like a star quality witness.
We pulled into an elementary school parking lot and parked. Across the lot were three other squad cars. The officer driving my car radioed to someone that we were ready. One by one, the other officers pulled out the kids from their cars. One kid from each car. One by one I confirmed that yes, they were in fact the ones I saw breaking into the car.
We finished quickly and he drove us home. On the way home I couldn't help but feel sad and guilty for reporting these kids. I know they had to pay the consequences for their actions, but, I felt like I ratted them out or something.
In my job, I work with kids like them all the time. You know those big bad lookin' mo fo's on the street or in the mall that make you hold on to your purse a little tighter? I know those kids. I talk to them. I laugh with them. I support them and put them in their place when they need it. They tell me stories about their lives, about how they feel, about their families. They don't look big and bad then. Then, when they let their guard down, they just look like kids.
So today when I got home I found a subpoena folded into my front door. I am commanded to appear in the Criminal Department of Juvenile Superior Court as a witness in a criminal action prosecuted by the People of the State of California against a kid I don't even know.
This whole thing just bums me out. Like I said, I know these kids have to pay for their actions. And I know I did the right thing by calling the police. But why did it have to be me? Why couldn't it have been someone else. Someone who doesn't work with these kind of kids. Who doesn't care about them? Who just thinks they're all a bunch of delinquents and belong in jail?
Why didn't I just look the other way?
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
What the f*ck is that?!?!
Oh, it's just last night's banana smooshed into my couch, sprinkled with today's blueberries and cereal.
That's cool.
Monday, January 28, 2008
It was a good weekend.
After our interesting morning on Saturday, we decided since it wasn't raining yet, we should get out and about while we could. So, off we went to the Wild Animal Park. We hadn't been since the summer and we were curious how Joaquin would do.
Dan got Joaquin an All Terrain Wagon (fancy schmancy) for Christmas and he thought it would be a great idea to pull him around in it. I was skeptical as all I could imagine was Joaquin trying to stand in and jump out of this little moving vehicle. But I went with it and brought our ergo just in case.
As it turned out, Joaquin loved the thing. We got comments all day from strangers like, "Sweet ride", "Now that's riding in style" etc etc. I even heard one couple say to each other what a good idea it was. I don't know why I thought it was such a horrible idea, but I guess everybody wanted to give Dan props and prove me wrong. That's cool. I guess Dan needs to be right sometimes. There was one point when I put Joaquin in the ergo because we were going up a steep hill, but other than that he either very happily rode in the wagon or walked.
The day ended with Dan getting a beer and me a"glass" of wine as we wandered to the exit.
It was really, a good day.
The next day we decided to go to REI to spend a Christmas gift certificate and then Home Depot. It was pretty gloomy outside, so no outdoor fun, but still, we had a good time. At REI we each got fancy stainless steel water bottles and a cast iron grill thingie for camping. I call it a grill thingie because I don't really know what it is. But Dan seems to know, and that's all that matters since he does all the cooking when we camp.
Here is Joaquin trying to make a break for it in the garden department.
I love weekends like this...full of fun relaxing little adventures.
Dan got Joaquin an All Terrain Wagon (fancy schmancy) for Christmas and he thought it would be a great idea to pull him around in it. I was skeptical as all I could imagine was Joaquin trying to stand in and jump out of this little moving vehicle. But I went with it and brought our ergo just in case.
As it turned out, Joaquin loved the thing. We got comments all day from strangers like, "Sweet ride", "Now that's riding in style" etc etc. I even heard one couple say to each other what a good idea it was. I don't know why I thought it was such a horrible idea, but I guess everybody wanted to give Dan props and prove me wrong. That's cool. I guess Dan needs to be right sometimes. There was one point when I put Joaquin in the ergo because we were going up a steep hill, but other than that he either very happily rode in the wagon or walked.
The day ended with Dan getting a beer and me a"glass" of wine as we wandered to the exit.
It was really, a good day.
The next day we decided to go to REI to spend a Christmas gift certificate and then Home Depot. It was pretty gloomy outside, so no outdoor fun, but still, we had a good time. At REI we each got fancy stainless steel water bottles and a cast iron grill thingie for camping. I call it a grill thingie because I don't really know what it is. But Dan seems to know, and that's all that matters since he does all the cooking when we camp.
Here is Joaquin trying to make a break for it in the garden department.
I love weekends like this...full of fun relaxing little adventures.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
This is why I don't even try to sleep in anymore.
Most days I wake up with Joaquin and leave Dan be. It just works out that way with us, and yesterday reminded me why.
The night before I told Dan I needed to sleep in the next morning. I was exhausted and passed out on the couch at 8:30 while watching some quality tv. Which, coincidentally was the exact time I was supposed to be meeting up with some Mama friends at the Pink Elephant. I hated that I bailed out, because I was really looking forward to an evening of drinks and fun. But I was soooo darn tired.
The next morning Joaquin woke up at 7, which isn't so bad in my book, but was still quite early for Dan. He bought himself another half hour with the oh so wonderful Signing Time DVD. The whole time Joaquin was on and off the boobs while I slipped in and out of consciousness. He crawled over me, back and forth, back and forth, trying to decide which boob he preferred. Finally the dvd ended and Joaquin still wasn't ready to get out of bed, but wanted to continue nursing. Fine. Whatever. Just let me sleep.
Eventually he crawled off the bed and wandered off to the living room looking for Bella. But instead of me following him out like I usually do, it was Dan. As soon as he realized this, he pitched the most awesome little baby fit and came running back to the bedroom looking for me. I mumbled a few suggestions for Dan to distract him and I think they worked. I had a few moments of no baby whining and promptly fell back to sleep. I probably slept for a whole 10 minutes extra, or it could have been an hour. I had no idea. But after a bit more sleep, I coughed and Joaquin must have heard me with his bionic baby ears. He came running back to the bedroom looking for the mother he had temporarily forgot was in bed.
I was done. I wasn't sleeping in any later. It was 8 am and that was actually pretty late for me. I felt good and rested, so I was fine with it, and ready for another day.
The night before I told Dan I needed to sleep in the next morning. I was exhausted and passed out on the couch at 8:30 while watching some quality tv. Which, coincidentally was the exact time I was supposed to be meeting up with some Mama friends at the Pink Elephant. I hated that I bailed out, because I was really looking forward to an evening of drinks and fun. But I was soooo darn tired.
The next morning Joaquin woke up at 7, which isn't so bad in my book, but was still quite early for Dan. He bought himself another half hour with the oh so wonderful Signing Time DVD. The whole time Joaquin was on and off the boobs while I slipped in and out of consciousness. He crawled over me, back and forth, back and forth, trying to decide which boob he preferred. Finally the dvd ended and Joaquin still wasn't ready to get out of bed, but wanted to continue nursing. Fine. Whatever. Just let me sleep.
Eventually he crawled off the bed and wandered off to the living room looking for Bella. But instead of me following him out like I usually do, it was Dan. As soon as he realized this, he pitched the most awesome little baby fit and came running back to the bedroom looking for me. I mumbled a few suggestions for Dan to distract him and I think they worked. I had a few moments of no baby whining and promptly fell back to sleep. I probably slept for a whole 10 minutes extra, or it could have been an hour. I had no idea. But after a bit more sleep, I coughed and Joaquin must have heard me with his bionic baby ears. He came running back to the bedroom looking for the mother he had temporarily forgot was in bed.
I was done. I wasn't sleeping in any later. It was 8 am and that was actually pretty late for me. I felt good and rested, so I was fine with it, and ready for another day.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
On a roll
I am so on a roll.
Since my mental health day on Thursday I have been rockin' it around the house. There have been so many things I have wanted to clean out and reorganize, but not only did I not have the time, I didn't have the motivation. I guess I just needed a good jump start. And that is exactly what Thursday gave me.
Along with re-organizing around here, I have been wanting to clear out a bunch of crap. I feel like we have accumulated so many THINGS. Why do we need so many things?! We don't, so I'm getting rid of them all! Well, at least the stuff we don't use or need.
I have also been doing a pretty good job of replacing lots of plastic stuff in the kitchen with glass and stainless steel because of the whole BPA thing. But I was still holding onto the plastic stuff for who knows why, which was just taking up precious space. I have been clearing out a cabinet or drawer a day for the past few days and now the kitchen is all done and cleared out!
I even found a water solution. "Water solution?", you ask.
Well, I have been racking my brain lately on how and where to get our water. I want to avoid the hard plastic containers because of BPA. So that left out Brita containers. I really like my pull out spray faucet, it makes me happy, so don't want to mess that up with a faucet filter. Plus we just got fluoride in our water, so none of those filter options work anyway since they don't filter out fluoride. We can't afford to do some kind of whole house reverse osmosis system and we don't have room for one under our sink. I can't have anything that takes up floor space because we have so very little of it. We also have very little counter space, but I am willing to give some of it up for our water. So in the mean time of finding a water solution, I will admit, I had a pretty crappy solution. For the past year or so, maybe even longer, we have been buying those 2.5 gallon bottles of water from the store for our drinking water. It's such a huge waste, it embarrasses me. But I really didn't know what else to do. Until now!
I can't say it's a perfect solution, but it will work for us. Since I cleared out some space on another counter, I opened up space to get a counter water dispenser with a glass bottle. Instead of going to the store every week and paying a few bucks for a couple of those 2.5 gallon bottles, we'll go to go to The Water Lady and fill up a 3 gallon glass bottle. It's less than 40 cents per gallon with a prepaid plan, so not bad. Plus I feel good that I'm supporting a local business and she has all of her filter etc right there. The water goes through reverse osmosis which gets rid of most of the fluoride.
Now that it's all set up, I think it actually looks kind of pretty in my kitchen! What do you think?
And in all of my reorganizing I even opened up a drawer for Joaquin to play in while I'm working in the kitchen. Here he is having a ball yesterday morning.
Next on my list it to attack the hall closet. We have tons of DVDs, VHS tapes, CDs and just plain old crap crammed in there. It just might get interesting.
Since my mental health day on Thursday I have been rockin' it around the house. There have been so many things I have wanted to clean out and reorganize, but not only did I not have the time, I didn't have the motivation. I guess I just needed a good jump start. And that is exactly what Thursday gave me.
Along with re-organizing around here, I have been wanting to clear out a bunch of crap. I feel like we have accumulated so many THINGS. Why do we need so many things?! We don't, so I'm getting rid of them all! Well, at least the stuff we don't use or need.
I have also been doing a pretty good job of replacing lots of plastic stuff in the kitchen with glass and stainless steel because of the whole BPA thing. But I was still holding onto the plastic stuff for who knows why, which was just taking up precious space. I have been clearing out a cabinet or drawer a day for the past few days and now the kitchen is all done and cleared out!
I even found a water solution. "Water solution?", you ask.
Well, I have been racking my brain lately on how and where to get our water. I want to avoid the hard plastic containers because of BPA. So that left out Brita containers. I really like my pull out spray faucet, it makes me happy, so don't want to mess that up with a faucet filter. Plus we just got fluoride in our water, so none of those filter options work anyway since they don't filter out fluoride. We can't afford to do some kind of whole house reverse osmosis system and we don't have room for one under our sink. I can't have anything that takes up floor space because we have so very little of it. We also have very little counter space, but I am willing to give some of it up for our water. So in the mean time of finding a water solution, I will admit, I had a pretty crappy solution. For the past year or so, maybe even longer, we have been buying those 2.5 gallon bottles of water from the store for our drinking water. It's such a huge waste, it embarrasses me. But I really didn't know what else to do. Until now!
I can't say it's a perfect solution, but it will work for us. Since I cleared out some space on another counter, I opened up space to get a counter water dispenser with a glass bottle. Instead of going to the store every week and paying a few bucks for a couple of those 2.5 gallon bottles, we'll go to go to The Water Lady and fill up a 3 gallon glass bottle. It's less than 40 cents per gallon with a prepaid plan, so not bad. Plus I feel good that I'm supporting a local business and she has all of her filter etc right there. The water goes through reverse osmosis which gets rid of most of the fluoride.
Now that it's all set up, I think it actually looks kind of pretty in my kitchen! What do you think?
And in all of my reorganizing I even opened up a drawer for Joaquin to play in while I'm working in the kitchen. Here he is having a ball yesterday morning.
Next on my list it to attack the hall closet. We have tons of DVDs, VHS tapes, CDs and just plain old crap crammed in there. It just might get interesting.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Why do you hate me?
Remember on Saturday how Joaquin woke up at 6:15, but since he gave me a big ol' kiss everything was great with the world?
Yeah. Not so much anymore.
The next day, Sunday, he woke up at 6:00...AM. But this time he didn't give me a morning kiss. No, instead he tried to gouge my eyeball out.
Monday he woke up at 5:45. In. The. Morning.
Today? 5:30.
Why, Joaquin, why?!?! What did I ever do to you?? Why do you hate your Mama??
I feel like I really shouldn't complain. He's actually a pretty decent sleeper. I mean, don't get me wrong, he doesn't "sleep through the night" or anything outrageous like that. But he goes down between 7:30-8:30 pm. Usually wakes up a few times, but it's not a big deal since all I have to do is pull out the boob. I really don't even have any recollection of waking up last night, even though I'm sure we did. But I remember this morning.
I even tried the old tried and true Signing Time DVD. It always keeps him happy for an extra 30 minutes or so. So what if I'm half asleep singing "It's signing time with Alex & Leah!" At least I'm half asleep.
He wouldn't even give me that these past few days. He wakes up all bright eyed a bushy tailed, ready to crawl off the bed and find "dah" aka Bella. He even barks. It doesn't sound like a bark though, more like he's clearing out his throat. Or choking. What ever it is. It's cute at 8, even 7. It's not cute at 5 freaking thirty. In the morning.
Yeah. Not so much anymore.
The next day, Sunday, he woke up at 6:00...AM. But this time he didn't give me a morning kiss. No, instead he tried to gouge my eyeball out.
Monday he woke up at 5:45. In. The. Morning.
Today? 5:30.
Why, Joaquin, why?!?! What did I ever do to you?? Why do you hate your Mama??
I feel like I really shouldn't complain. He's actually a pretty decent sleeper. I mean, don't get me wrong, he doesn't "sleep through the night" or anything outrageous like that. But he goes down between 7:30-8:30 pm. Usually wakes up a few times, but it's not a big deal since all I have to do is pull out the boob. I really don't even have any recollection of waking up last night, even though I'm sure we did. But I remember this morning.
I even tried the old tried and true Signing Time DVD. It always keeps him happy for an extra 30 minutes or so. So what if I'm half asleep singing "It's signing time with Alex & Leah!" At least I'm half asleep.
He wouldn't even give me that these past few days. He wakes up all bright eyed a bushy tailed, ready to crawl off the bed and find "dah" aka Bella. He even barks. It doesn't sound like a bark though, more like he's clearing out his throat. Or choking. What ever it is. It's cute at 8, even 7. It's not cute at 5 freaking thirty. In the morning.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
We got a haircut today
This was my feral child this morning, hair all in a disarray.
So we took our little savage to get his haircut. I was a bit sad, I kind of liked his little rock-n-roll look. But, I admit, it was getting out of control. Plus a couple of people had mentioned that we had the same haircut. I found that rather traumatizing.
We went to a cute little place called Pigtails & Crewcuts at the Otay Ranch Town Center. They had a playroom for the kids to wait their turn and cars for them to sit in while they got their cut. Of course Joaquin was all over the place and I was doing all I could to keep him seated. The lady doing his hair was quick, patient, and did her best to entertain him.
Here he is, all cleaned up getting his groove on, on a piano in Gepetto's. I'm pretty pleased with the results. He looks like such a little boy now, and not a little baby anymore!
So we took our little savage to get his haircut. I was a bit sad, I kind of liked his little rock-n-roll look. But, I admit, it was getting out of control. Plus a couple of people had mentioned that we had the same haircut. I found that rather traumatizing.
We went to a cute little place called Pigtails & Crewcuts at the Otay Ranch Town Center. They had a playroom for the kids to wait their turn and cars for them to sit in while they got their cut. Of course Joaquin was all over the place and I was doing all I could to keep him seated. The lady doing his hair was quick, patient, and did her best to entertain him.
Here he is, all cleaned up getting his groove on, on a piano in Gepetto's. I'm pretty pleased with the results. He looks like such a little boy now, and not a little baby anymore!
Morning beso
Joaquin woke up at 6:15 this morning. Yes, it's Saturday. I was cuddled into him dozing back and forth in and out of sleep. He was laying next to me quiet and awake as if contemplating his baby plans for the day. Suddenly he shot up, leaned over and with a big "Mmmuahh" laid a big wet one on me.
I guess number one on his list was a beso for mama.
If I have to wake up at 6:15 on a Saturday, this is the way to do it.
I guess number one on his list was a beso for mama.
If I have to wake up at 6:15 on a Saturday, this is the way to do it.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Calling in mentally ill
By Wednesday I was going insane with the mess around here. I just couldn't stand it anymore. So, by the middle of the day I conjured up a plan. It was my secret plan to clean my house.
On Thursday morning, I woke up at our usual time. I got Joaquin ready to go to the in-laws. I made coffee, I made breakfast. Dan scooped up Joaquin and off they went. For all they knew I was headed to the shower to get ready for my day at work. Bwah-ha-ha.
Instead I logged on to my computer and signed myself out sick for the day. I like to think of it as taking a mental health day. I was seriously driving myself crazy with this mess, so it's not like I was lying to anyone.
I didn't get nearly as much done as I would have liked. But I did do a lot and it felt soooo good! I had the whole day to myself. Nobody knew where I was, or what I was doing. Dan, the in-laws, my mom all thought I was at work. Work people thought I was sick. And I got to clean my house in peace, for 8 full hours.
I ended up making quite the dent on my ILP goal #5. I cleaned out Joaquin's room and cleared out the living room. Most of the toys that were in the living room are now in Joaquin's room and now we have a nice little play area in there. I also started with goal #6, and have set up a sewing corner!! I know, exciting, isn't it?
Just in case you don't believe just how bad this house was, I took pictures. Please don't judge me. I know it's bad. This is why I took a mental health day, remember?!?
Here is my living room that morning...
On Thursday morning, I woke up at our usual time. I got Joaquin ready to go to the in-laws. I made coffee, I made breakfast. Dan scooped up Joaquin and off they went. For all they knew I was headed to the shower to get ready for my day at work. Bwah-ha-ha.
Instead I logged on to my computer and signed myself out sick for the day. I like to think of it as taking a mental health day. I was seriously driving myself crazy with this mess, so it's not like I was lying to anyone.
I didn't get nearly as much done as I would have liked. But I did do a lot and it felt soooo good! I had the whole day to myself. Nobody knew where I was, or what I was doing. Dan, the in-laws, my mom all thought I was at work. Work people thought I was sick. And I got to clean my house in peace, for 8 full hours.
I ended up making quite the dent on my ILP goal #5. I cleaned out Joaquin's room and cleared out the living room. Most of the toys that were in the living room are now in Joaquin's room and now we have a nice little play area in there. I also started with goal #6, and have set up a sewing corner!! I know, exciting, isn't it?
Just in case you don't believe just how bad this house was, I took pictures. Please don't judge me. I know it's bad. This is why I took a mental health day, remember?!?
Here is my living room that morning...
And after...Pretty, huh??
Here are a few before shots of Joaquin's room, aka: The PILE...
And after. Drum roll please.....
I can actually walk around my house now, I love it!! Now to get on with all the other things I have to clean and organize around here.
I wonder what would happen if I called in sick every week?
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
The Nap: The Center Of My Universe
I support students in an Earth Science class, and the topic of discussion today was all about the Sun being the center of the Universe and how the planets revolve around it. I couldn't help but laugh to myself. Oh this poor teacher, who is soon expecting his first little one, has no idea. No idea.
My world does not revolve around the Sun, you see. My world revolves around the Nap. My whole life lately revolves around if and when Joaquin takes his nap. I don't get to just flip through a magazine, eat a snack or even take a crap in peace unless it is during Joaquin's nap time. These 1-3 hours of my day are my only moments I get to do anything without a baby pulling on my leg or following me around asking for "that" and "that".
Joaquin is making the glorious transition from two naps a day to one and on Sunday I found out just how important these naps were to my sanity.
We had gone over to my parents house to watch the Charger game. They have a huge back yard and Joaquin was running all over the place, climbing up and down the stairs, chasing the dogs, and just generally having a grand old time. By the end of the game he was exhausted and was just a mess of a baby. He needed a nap and he needed it bad.
As Dan drove us home, Joaquin promptly fell asleep and my daydream began. I had big plans for this nap. First, I would take a shower and yes, even wash my hair. Heck, I might even shave my legs! Then I would blow dry my hair. Next I would finish up my grocery list and go grocery shopping. All by myself. I even considered driving the extra distance to go to the sane Trader Joes in Point Loma! Maybe Henry's after that? Oh the excitement, it was just too much!
Normally Joaquin is a total rock star when it comes to the car seat to bed transfer. At the very worst I have to nurse him back down for a minute or two. But Sunday was another story. I don't know what it was. Was it because he was so over tired from not having napped all day? Was it the excitement of the Chargers actually winning another playoff game? Or was it because he knew I really needed his nap for myself and he just wanted to play the part of the rebellious teen and stick it to me?
Whatever it was, when I laid him down his eyes were wide open. With a silly little grin on his face, he pointed to the door and chirped "dah, dah, dah". "It's not time to play with Bella right now, Papacito. It's time for sleepies" I patiently whispered to him. I laid down with him and tried to get him to latch on while all my big ideas for the next couple of hours slowly drained away. He nursed for a minute or two but then when he heard the tiniest of noises, he picked up his head and ask for "dah". Little by little my disappointment mounted.
I was so mad. I was frustrated. I was pissed. "What the hell?!?! Why aren't you sleeping?" I wanted to scream. "Don't you know this is my only time I get to do what I want to do?!?"
He was awake. He crawled over me and down to the floor, off to the living room to look for "dah". I got up and followed him out. I was infuriated. I glared at Dan, then at Bella, "it's all their fault" I thought. "If he would have walked a little lighter, if she would have just itched a little quieter he wouldn't have woken up all the way...I just know it."
Joaquin followed me into the kitchen whining for me to pick him up. "Sorry little man, by contract I get a duty free lunch. Go to your dad, he is currently the only parent on duty." He didn't buy it. The whining increased, his eyes were heavy with exhaustion. Why didn't he just go to sleep??
Dan then tried to get him down, but that only lead to screams and cries of agony. Finally I tossed him in the sling, he quieted down and latched on. I hadn't put him to sleep like this in months. I bounced and bounced and bounced. For nearly 20 minutes I bounced and he slowly went back to sleep while my reasoning was slowly restored.
I carefully laid him down. I held my breath and with each second my daydreams of my afternoon to myself returned. Quietly, I picked up my robe and slipped into the shower to finally wash my hair. Free.
My world does not revolve around the Sun, you see. My world revolves around the Nap. My whole life lately revolves around if and when Joaquin takes his nap. I don't get to just flip through a magazine, eat a snack or even take a crap in peace unless it is during Joaquin's nap time. These 1-3 hours of my day are my only moments I get to do anything without a baby pulling on my leg or following me around asking for "that" and "that".
Joaquin is making the glorious transition from two naps a day to one and on Sunday I found out just how important these naps were to my sanity.
We had gone over to my parents house to watch the Charger game. They have a huge back yard and Joaquin was running all over the place, climbing up and down the stairs, chasing the dogs, and just generally having a grand old time. By the end of the game he was exhausted and was just a mess of a baby. He needed a nap and he needed it bad.
As Dan drove us home, Joaquin promptly fell asleep and my daydream began. I had big plans for this nap. First, I would take a shower and yes, even wash my hair. Heck, I might even shave my legs! Then I would blow dry my hair. Next I would finish up my grocery list and go grocery shopping. All by myself. I even considered driving the extra distance to go to the sane Trader Joes in Point Loma! Maybe Henry's after that? Oh the excitement, it was just too much!
Normally Joaquin is a total rock star when it comes to the car seat to bed transfer. At the very worst I have to nurse him back down for a minute or two. But Sunday was another story. I don't know what it was. Was it because he was so over tired from not having napped all day? Was it the excitement of the Chargers actually winning another playoff game? Or was it because he knew I really needed his nap for myself and he just wanted to play the part of the rebellious teen and stick it to me?
Whatever it was, when I laid him down his eyes were wide open. With a silly little grin on his face, he pointed to the door and chirped "dah, dah, dah". "It's not time to play with Bella right now, Papacito. It's time for sleepies" I patiently whispered to him. I laid down with him and tried to get him to latch on while all my big ideas for the next couple of hours slowly drained away. He nursed for a minute or two but then when he heard the tiniest of noises, he picked up his head and ask for "dah". Little by little my disappointment mounted.
I was so mad. I was frustrated. I was pissed. "What the hell?!?! Why aren't you sleeping?" I wanted to scream. "Don't you know this is my only time I get to do what I want to do?!?"
He was awake. He crawled over me and down to the floor, off to the living room to look for "dah". I got up and followed him out. I was infuriated. I glared at Dan, then at Bella, "it's all their fault" I thought. "If he would have walked a little lighter, if she would have just itched a little quieter he wouldn't have woken up all the way...I just know it."
Joaquin followed me into the kitchen whining for me to pick him up. "Sorry little man, by contract I get a duty free lunch. Go to your dad, he is currently the only parent on duty." He didn't buy it. The whining increased, his eyes were heavy with exhaustion. Why didn't he just go to sleep??
Dan then tried to get him down, but that only lead to screams and cries of agony. Finally I tossed him in the sling, he quieted down and latched on. I hadn't put him to sleep like this in months. I bounced and bounced and bounced. For nearly 20 minutes I bounced and he slowly went back to sleep while my reasoning was slowly restored.
I carefully laid him down. I held my breath and with each second my daydreams of my afternoon to myself returned. Quietly, I picked up my robe and slipped into the shower to finally wash my hair. Free.
Take anything away from me, but not my shoes!
For a while I have been feeling some numbing and discomort in the ball and toes of my left foot. I ignored it. Then in the past few weeks it turned into out right pain. Shooting pain starting in the ball of my foot on to my toes. It was definatley worse when I wore my heels to work. But they're not that high, I swear!! They're only like two inch heels, but yes, they have the pointy toe. My foot only felt better when I wore my sneaks, but me in sneaks at work?!?! If I have to work at least let me wear cute shoes!! A few people even commented on my sneaker wearing. "You? In sneakers??? What's wrong?!?!" Snarl, Snarl, Snarl.
I went to the Chiropractor, and as it turns out, I have Morton's Neuroma. Sounds saucy, doesn't it? It is all because of my oh-so-cute shoes. Damn the shoes. I was told "NO MORE HEELS" Fine. There are plenty of cute flats out there.
I went to DSW on Friday with my $10 coupon in hand. I found a super cute pair of black flats in the clearance section and walked out paying only 15 bucks for a pair of very comfy $60 Kenneth Coles. Score. They are flat. But. They do have the slightest of a pointy toe. I can't stop. I love the pointy toe.
Fast forward to today, Tuesday. My first day back at work and I get to wear my new shoes. After being in my adidas all weekend, I was actually looking forward to wearing them. I came in, put out out a few fires, made a couple calls, sent off a few emails. Then came time to walk across campus to one of my classes. And it started. Damn the shoes! Damn them all to hell!
I'll be back tomorrow in my adidas. Snarl.
I went to the Chiropractor, and as it turns out, I have Morton's Neuroma. Sounds saucy, doesn't it? It is all because of my oh-so-cute shoes. Damn the shoes. I was told "NO MORE HEELS" Fine. There are plenty of cute flats out there.
I went to DSW on Friday with my $10 coupon in hand. I found a super cute pair of black flats in the clearance section and walked out paying only 15 bucks for a pair of very comfy $60 Kenneth Coles. Score. They are flat. But. They do have the slightest of a pointy toe. I can't stop. I love the pointy toe.
Fast forward to today, Tuesday. My first day back at work and I get to wear my new shoes. After being in my adidas all weekend, I was actually looking forward to wearing them. I came in, put out out a few fires, made a couple calls, sent off a few emails. Then came time to walk across campus to one of my classes. And it started. Damn the shoes! Damn them all to hell!
I'll be back tomorrow in my adidas. Snarl.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Vas a darle boobies?
I was at a family baby shower yesterday. I pulled out my sling and had it ready in case of a melt-down (it was wayyy past nap time).
As I pulled it over my head, my 3 year old niece walked up to me and asked, "Vas a darle boobies?"
I replied "I don't think he wants milk right now, maybe later."
"OK" as she casually walked away.
So cute!
As I pulled it over my head, my 3 year old niece walked up to me and asked, "Vas a darle boobies?"
I replied "I don't think he wants milk right now, maybe later."
"OK" as she casually walked away.
So cute!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
ILP for 2008
I'm trying to avoid the whole "New Year's Resolution" thing, but I still find myself making mental lists of all the things I want to accomplish in the next year. I try to banish these thoughts from my mind, but at the same time I wonder if I should just embrace them. Rather than thinking of them as "Resolutions" I'm going to consider them "Goals". I'm a goal driven person. I need goals. When I don't have goals, I find myself wandering about getting nothing done. I like to get things done. I love lists and I love crossing things off lists. I even add things that I've already done to lists just so I can cross them off.
For my job I have to write up an IEP for each student on my caseload every year. We review their progress and make goals for the next year. So, I figure I should write one for myself. Instead of an Individualized Education Plan, I need an Individualized LIFE Plan complete with goals for 2008 (not resolutions, thank you).
Strengths and progress towards previous goals:
I didn't have any solid resolutions last year, but I did have some things in mind. I wanted to keep my little itty baby alive and happy. Check. I wanted to stick to breastfeeding. Check. I wanted to stick to cloth diapering. Check. I wanted to be happy and sane when I went back to work. No Check. Oh well, I still think I did pretty good.
Goal 1 for 2008:
Start and maintain a blog. I figure this is a good way to articulate some goals for the year and hold myself accountable. I also need an outlet of some sort. A place where I can place all those random thoughts that run through me and get lost on their way out. Just by the fact that I'm writing this, it looks like I'm well on my way to Goal #1!
Goal 2 for 2008:
Take pictures again. I used to take pictures all the time. I have a 35mm SLR and I just pulled it out for the first time in years. I miss taking pictures with it. I miss the click, I miss the heaviness, I miss the product. It's like driving a stick shift again. I also used to work at a photo processing lab so all film and processing was done on the cheap. I don't have that anymore. I'm working to save some cash to buy myself a digital SLR. I don't need anything too fancy, so I'm considering a Nikon D40. I have a little box on our mantel labeled "SLR Camera Fund". It has $300 so far. Looks like another goal that I'm making progress towards!
Goal 3 for 2008:
Take a date night once a month. For the last nearly two years it has been all about baby, understandably so. I love it. I love immersing myself in my son. But a few months ago I started seeing the toll it was taking on my marriage. It's not like my husband isn't immersed as well, we're both neglecting the marriage. It was a total bummer to see the ugliness that festers when two people that love each other so much don't take the time to nurture each other. We actually went out on NYE and we had a blast. It was great for us. I would like to keep doing this once a month. It doesn't need to be an all nighter, dinner or even a drink will do.
Goal 4 for 2008:
Find a minimum of 3 opportunities a week to exercise for 30 minutes each time and do it!! I don't want the typical, get in shape crap. I'm pretty happy with my physical self, but I know I could move more than I do now. I hate gyms, I refuse to join one. I figure there are plenty of opportunities to exercise when I'm out and about with Joaquin. So I have to find them and do them, 3 times a week.
Goal 5 for 2008:
Organize this family. I'm a messy slob of a person. It was fine when it was just me, but now it's not just me. Now I find myself a partner in a leadership team to a family. This makes me the family leader at least half of the time. I'm OK with that, but I'm not OK with keeping things all organized and working like they should. Joaquin's room is a disaster. He doesn't actually sleep in it, so it has turned into a catch all for all the crap that doesn't have a home. It also stores all of his clothes and stuff that we actually need to get to on a daily basis. Our living room has turned into a toy room and not in a good way. Our kitchen cabinets are overflowing with who knows what. I can't even sit on our couch without a sippy cup or a toy of some sort ramming me up the behind. My excuse is that I work three days a week. Whatever. That's a sorry excuse in my opinion. I don't mind some mess here and there, I don't want a spotless crazy clean house. I would like to just walk in after a day of work or a day out and about with Joaquin, when he is usually sleeping in my arms ready to snuggle down for the rest of his nap, and not kick noisy car across our hardwood floors, as I silently curse to whatever hoping he doesn't wake up. That's all. So to do this, I have to go through and get rid of a bunch of stuff that we've managed to pack into this shoebox, get rid of it or pack it back away in a more organized fashion.
Goal 6 for 2008:
Set up a sewing corner and start sewing. Since Joaquin doesn't sleep in his room, I would like to steal a corner of his room for myself. If he has a corner of my room for his crib that is attached to my bed, I figure he can give this up for his dear mama. Dan got me a new sewing maching for Christmas, I just finished up a sewing class through the ECC and now I would like to put it all together and start sewing again! I have an older machine that I use, but I always have to pack it away and unpack it for each project. It totally takes the fun out! I want to be able to get a sewing hair up my ass at 9pm and just sew. Not find a space, clean things up, lug things out and then put it all back again. By then I'm over it and have no creative works of art to show for that sewing hair.
Goal 7 for 2008:
Make a family photo album for 2006, 2007 & 2008. I'm not a scrapbooker. Nor will I ever be. I just can't focus on something like that for that long of time. I can do computer stuff though. I made some super cool photo albums of Joaquin for the parents for Christmas using mypublisher.com. I want to make one for us, for each year including this year. Hopefully I can keep it going for future years and we'll have a photo album chronicling each year of our family.
Goal 8 for 2008:
Find a way to be a SAHM. I've promised myself that if we have anymore children I will have to be a SAHM. No way in hell am I doing this again. I told Dan I wanted a year off if we have another. In reality I want more like 5. I don't want to completely forget my job because I think I might like to go back to it later in life. But for now, if I'm raising a family I want to do just that. I'm over trying to raise other people's children. I want to raise my own.
Whew, that felt good! Of course there are more little things here and there that I would like to accomplish, but for now this will do.
For my job I have to write up an IEP for each student on my caseload every year. We review their progress and make goals for the next year. So, I figure I should write one for myself. Instead of an Individualized Education Plan, I need an Individualized LIFE Plan complete with goals for 2008 (not resolutions, thank you).
Strengths and progress towards previous goals:
I didn't have any solid resolutions last year, but I did have some things in mind. I wanted to keep my little itty baby alive and happy. Check. I wanted to stick to breastfeeding. Check. I wanted to stick to cloth diapering. Check. I wanted to be happy and sane when I went back to work. No Check. Oh well, I still think I did pretty good.
Goal 1 for 2008:
Start and maintain a blog. I figure this is a good way to articulate some goals for the year and hold myself accountable. I also need an outlet of some sort. A place where I can place all those random thoughts that run through me and get lost on their way out. Just by the fact that I'm writing this, it looks like I'm well on my way to Goal #1!
Goal 2 for 2008:
Take pictures again. I used to take pictures all the time. I have a 35mm SLR and I just pulled it out for the first time in years. I miss taking pictures with it. I miss the click, I miss the heaviness, I miss the product. It's like driving a stick shift again. I also used to work at a photo processing lab so all film and processing was done on the cheap. I don't have that anymore. I'm working to save some cash to buy myself a digital SLR. I don't need anything too fancy, so I'm considering a Nikon D40. I have a little box on our mantel labeled "SLR Camera Fund". It has $300 so far. Looks like another goal that I'm making progress towards!
Goal 3 for 2008:
Take a date night once a month. For the last nearly two years it has been all about baby, understandably so. I love it. I love immersing myself in my son. But a few months ago I started seeing the toll it was taking on my marriage. It's not like my husband isn't immersed as well, we're both neglecting the marriage. It was a total bummer to see the ugliness that festers when two people that love each other so much don't take the time to nurture each other. We actually went out on NYE and we had a blast. It was great for us. I would like to keep doing this once a month. It doesn't need to be an all nighter, dinner or even a drink will do.
Goal 4 for 2008:
Find a minimum of 3 opportunities a week to exercise for 30 minutes each time and do it!! I don't want the typical, get in shape crap. I'm pretty happy with my physical self, but I know I could move more than I do now. I hate gyms, I refuse to join one. I figure there are plenty of opportunities to exercise when I'm out and about with Joaquin. So I have to find them and do them, 3 times a week.
Goal 5 for 2008:
Organize this family. I'm a messy slob of a person. It was fine when it was just me, but now it's not just me. Now I find myself a partner in a leadership team to a family. This makes me the family leader at least half of the time. I'm OK with that, but I'm not OK with keeping things all organized and working like they should. Joaquin's room is a disaster. He doesn't actually sleep in it, so it has turned into a catch all for all the crap that doesn't have a home. It also stores all of his clothes and stuff that we actually need to get to on a daily basis. Our living room has turned into a toy room and not in a good way. Our kitchen cabinets are overflowing with who knows what. I can't even sit on our couch without a sippy cup or a toy of some sort ramming me up the behind. My excuse is that I work three days a week. Whatever. That's a sorry excuse in my opinion. I don't mind some mess here and there, I don't want a spotless crazy clean house. I would like to just walk in after a day of work or a day out and about with Joaquin, when he is usually sleeping in my arms ready to snuggle down for the rest of his nap, and not kick noisy car across our hardwood floors, as I silently curse to whatever hoping he doesn't wake up. That's all. So to do this, I have to go through and get rid of a bunch of stuff that we've managed to pack into this shoebox, get rid of it or pack it back away in a more organized fashion.
Goal 6 for 2008:
Set up a sewing corner and start sewing. Since Joaquin doesn't sleep in his room, I would like to steal a corner of his room for myself. If he has a corner of my room for his crib that is attached to my bed, I figure he can give this up for his dear mama. Dan got me a new sewing maching for Christmas, I just finished up a sewing class through the ECC and now I would like to put it all together and start sewing again! I have an older machine that I use, but I always have to pack it away and unpack it for each project. It totally takes the fun out! I want to be able to get a sewing hair up my ass at 9pm and just sew. Not find a space, clean things up, lug things out and then put it all back again. By then I'm over it and have no creative works of art to show for that sewing hair.
Goal 7 for 2008:
Make a family photo album for 2006, 2007 & 2008. I'm not a scrapbooker. Nor will I ever be. I just can't focus on something like that for that long of time. I can do computer stuff though. I made some super cool photo albums of Joaquin for the parents for Christmas using mypublisher.com. I want to make one for us, for each year including this year. Hopefully I can keep it going for future years and we'll have a photo album chronicling each year of our family.
Goal 8 for 2008:
Find a way to be a SAHM. I've promised myself that if we have anymore children I will have to be a SAHM. No way in hell am I doing this again. I told Dan I wanted a year off if we have another. In reality I want more like 5. I don't want to completely forget my job because I think I might like to go back to it later in life. But for now, if I'm raising a family I want to do just that. I'm over trying to raise other people's children. I want to raise my own.
Whew, that felt good! Of course there are more little things here and there that I would like to accomplish, but for now this will do.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Popping my cherry!
Well, here is my first offical blog entry!! I don't know what has taken me so long. I've been wanting to do this for months, but kept putting it off. I guess I felt like it was such a fad, that it would pass. But as it turns out, it hasn't and I think it would be a great way to chronicle my days as a mama. Too bad I'm starting a year late, but that's the story of my life. I always peek from the outside a bit too hesitant to jump right in. Eventually I usually do. Better late than never, right?
So, a bit about me. I am wife to my very hot husband of 3 years, Dan. We have frickin' adorable son together, Joaquin who is just over 13 months. I work part-time 3 days a week and I hate it. I'm a Special Ed teacher in a High School in the 'hood. We don't like to talk about that much. If I could go back in time I would have planned totally differently and would be a SAHM right now. But I thought I was one of those women who wanted it all. I don't. At least not all at once. Maybe if my job wasn't so damn ungratifying it would be better. Anyway, whatever, I don't want to think about it, it's my day off!
We live in a teeny house on the border of the 'hood. It's cute, and it will do for now, but I swear, some days it feels like these walls are caving in. We have a 3 year old black lab mix named Bella. Joaquin absolutley adores her, it's so stinkin' cute.
All of our family are here in San Diego, so we have an awesome support system. My mother in law watches Joaquin two days a week. I know most think that would be crrrazy, but she's pretty cool and way respectful of my decisions as a mom. We're cool like that. My mom is obssessed with Joaquin. She calls like 5 times a day just to see how he is. We're pretty close, and I completely appreciate the fact that we have a good relationship and we're in the same city. I also have a little sister that will be getting married in March. Unfortunately we're not that close, I think our 7 year age difference has something to do with it. But little by little we're getting to know each other better.
Well, that's me. And my cherry is officially *popped*!
So, a bit about me. I am wife to my very hot husband of 3 years, Dan. We have frickin' adorable son together, Joaquin who is just over 13 months. I work part-time 3 days a week and I hate it. I'm a Special Ed teacher in a High School in the 'hood. We don't like to talk about that much. If I could go back in time I would have planned totally differently and would be a SAHM right now. But I thought I was one of those women who wanted it all. I don't. At least not all at once. Maybe if my job wasn't so damn ungratifying it would be better. Anyway, whatever, I don't want to think about it, it's my day off!
We live in a teeny house on the border of the 'hood. It's cute, and it will do for now, but I swear, some days it feels like these walls are caving in. We have a 3 year old black lab mix named Bella. Joaquin absolutley adores her, it's so stinkin' cute.
All of our family are here in San Diego, so we have an awesome support system. My mother in law watches Joaquin two days a week. I know most think that would be crrrazy, but she's pretty cool and way respectful of my decisions as a mom. We're cool like that. My mom is obssessed with Joaquin. She calls like 5 times a day just to see how he is. We're pretty close, and I completely appreciate the fact that we have a good relationship and we're in the same city. I also have a little sister that will be getting married in March. Unfortunately we're not that close, I think our 7 year age difference has something to do with it. But little by little we're getting to know each other better.
Well, that's me. And my cherry is officially *popped*!
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