The Nightly Show

Every night, between bath and bedtime, Joaquin puts on his Nightly Show. He dances, poses and plays "music" for us. Here is a shot from last night's performance...




We've also been practicing the potty more often lately. I'll just let him hang out naked and wait. For a while he would start to pee, catch him self and then run to the bathroom. Now I'm noticing that he's holding it. The other day he had been naked for a couple of hours and I realized he hadn't peed, so I asked him if he needed to. Sure enough he ran to the bathroom, I helped him up and he peed...a lot. He did the same yesterday, as you can tell, he was rather excited about it!



If you're "friend" or "family" you can see the cuter uncropped photo on flickr.

I tried to resign.

I finally met with one of my Administrators on Thursday and told her just how done I was. I decided I need to give something up. If I was going to continue as department chair, I had to get out of the classroom and back into the position I was in last year. If that wasn't a possibility then I had to give up department chair. Honestly, I would rather just give up the chair position. I like teaching, as tough as these kids are, it's more fun to teach then deal with a bunch of administrative crapola. She asked me to stick around until the second week of October. I'm not really sure how it's going to pan out, but I really hope she isn't just trying to buy time in hopes that I'll "calm down" and just deal. I'm done dealing.

Joaquin has been doing much better at night. We're down to one night nursing session and I think we'll start trying to get rid of that one in the next few days.

I'm so happy it's Friday. Hmm, at least with all this work crap, the weeks go by fast.

Things that make me happy?

Work is so tough and overwhelming right now, I really need to start to focus on the good around me or I'm headed for a downward spiral.

Not only have I taken on the responsibility of a department chair, the department chair job now has more responsibilities due to some serious cuts from the top. That in itself would be enough to cause some work stress, but I am also back in the classroom this year. The decision to do the department chair job was totally my choice, as was the choice to go back into the classroom. They are both choices I completely regret.

I have one class with over 20 students, the other nearing 20. Twenty Special Education Non-Diploma Bound students. These students have some very intense educational, behavioral and emotional needs and there are way too many in these classrooms, so essentially me and the other Non-Diploma Bound teacher are just babysitting. I've been cussed out in both English and Spanish, dealt with near fights and have had to stand very tall and strong in the face of attempted intimidation. Keeping them on task for even half the period is a small miracle. Don't get me wrong, I love to teach, I just wish I could do more of it.

What's crazy, is that my classes aren't even the main culprits of my stress. The majority is coming from dealing with my colleagues and administration. It just amazes me how hard people will work to do as little as possible and how difficult it is to get people to really support you. It really makes me think long and hard in regards to Joaquin's education and whether or not we will do traditional public education. But that's a different story. I wish I could elaborate more on this topic, but alas, I must keep my mouth shut and my fingers bound. I've said enough as it is.

So back to my original thought. I need to find things that make me happy, happy on a daily basis. I'm so beat, I seriously have to think about it. What makes me happy right now? What little things can I do every day that will simply make me smile and push the seven hours of crap out of my mind?

I'm not sure right now, but hopefully I'll be able to come back soon and tell you.

It did not go well.

I am a walking zombie today and am rethinking my desire to night wean.

He woke up in his bed at 10pm. I brought him to bed with us and he went right back to sleep without nursing. I mistakenly thought this was a sign that the rest of the night would go just as smoothly.

He woke up again just after 11. I had just started to really fall asleep because work crap kept running in and out of my brain. I was not happy. He kept searching for milk while I held and hugged him. He screamed for milk and I reminded him it went sleepies. He was not happy. He cried in my arms for about 5 minutes and fell back to sleep while laying on his back on my stomach and I whispered "I love you, I love you" over and over in his ear.

He woke up again at 1:30 and had decided he really wanted milk and he wasn't taking NO for an answer. He tossed himself all over the bed. He wouldn't let me hold him. He screamed. He cried. I just wanted to go back to sleep. Finally after what felt like an eternity, but was probably more like 10 minutes, I gave in. Here. Nurse. Just let me sleep.

But after a few minutes of nursing my skin was crawling. I just couldn't handle it. I feel so bad, but I'm so done with night time nursing! I whispered to him "Ok, time to finish." He shook his head. "Time for milk to go sleepies." He kept on. Finally I tried to pop him off. That kid held on for dear life.

When I finally got him unlatched he screamed bloody murder. He was pissed. I was evil. I held him and whispered in his ear for a few minutes and he soon settled down and fell back to sleep.

At 4:30 he was up and looking for milk again. I was done. I had to get up in two hours and was not up for a battle. He nursed for a minute or two and rolled back over. Then did the same at about 6am. I finally got out of bed close to 7 and am not in the best of moods today.

Can I really handle this again tonight?

Night Weaning

Yes, Joaquin still nurses at night. I know, I know, and yes...it is starting to drive me insane.

We worked on night weaning this summer, and by the end, I pretty much had him off the boob from bedtime to about 5 am. Everyday, I would remind him that when we all went "sleepies", milk went "sleepies" too. I would also try and top him off with yogurt before bed to make sure he didn't wake up in the middle of the night hungry. Some nights he would wake up and beg for milk "peeeease!". Other nights he would wake up and roll around, wouldn't even bother to ask and then fall back asleep. He still woke up in his bed around midnight, but when I brought him into ours he would just roll over and fall back asleep, it was awesome! Then at 5 am, like clockwork, he would wake up to nurse. I was OK with it because I knew once I went back to work, I would want to nurse before I got up.

So, I went back to work and all was well, for a few days at least.

He then got a fever for a couple of days. His canines were coming in and while he didn't seem in too much pain, I was concerned about the fever and wanted to make sure he nursed as much as needed. This was nearly four weeks ago.

Now we are back to nursing multiple times a night and it. has. to. stop. We made some headway a couple of weeks ago, and I have to admit, it was much easier to get back on track, but we have since fallen off the wagon.

Last night he threw a fit and a half when I had finally told him no more. He did finally fall asleep, albeit while crying in my arms.

So tonight, we're back on it. This afternoon we'll be talking about how "milk goes sleepies". I'm gorging him with yogurt before bedtime and I'm pulling out my turtle neck.

Wish me luck.

Where are you?????

I'm still here. But working a LOT. I've been in a rather negative place, so rather than coming on here and sounding all whiny and bitchy, I've decided to refrain.

Things seem to be getting better though. Another teacher reminded me, "All teachers hate September, right?" It is true. September sucks. October will be better. We will get into our groove and life will start to move along at a smoother pace.

As of this weekend I've stopped bringing work home, but I'm still going to bed ridiculously early. Still no time for me to blog in the evenings. Hopefully once I get into this new groove, I won't be so dead tired and can go back to my regular oh-so-fascinating updates.

xoxo, I miss you!!!

Awesome.

I forced myself to stay up, and I'm so glad I did!

The first day of school!

I am so very incredibly tired, so I don't know how long this post is going to be, but I figured I needed to update...it's been a while.

Last week I was swamped with work. I went in two days early to take care of department stuff and today I feel like it was a complete waste. I didn't even get to start setting up and planning for my class until Thursday which only left me a couple of hours on Friday. So I ended up doing lots of planning over the long three day weekend. Fun fun! Anyway, I had our "master schedule" for our teachers and aides all set up only to have an admin go and totally change it up today. I don't know why she had me do it in the first place. All the teachers were happy with where they were going and my department was actually somewhat functional for a moment there. Then student schedules got all changed and so did the teacher schedules and every body came bitching to me when I was just trying to get myself and my class ready for the kids that were on their way. All I could say was "I didn't change it, see XYZ, she changed it!" Seriously, what was the point??

On a positive note, I really did have fun teaching again today. I haven't done it in 3 years! It's like a performance. When I'm in the moment, I'm so engrossed in what I'm doing and then when it's all done I can't help but think, "wow, that was freaking fun!" It's exhausting but exhilarating to be up there, especially when you see those faces of total disinterest or boredom change...they start to sit up a little straighter, look at you more, nod their head in agreement. They start to get into it and they don't even know it. Then they catch themselves and realize that they're not looking cool anymore and fall back into act. It's a constant game of cat and mouse. Me always trying to chase down what gets them, what holds their interest. Like I said, it's totally tiring, but totally great all at the same time.

Well, I'm in need of some real sleep. Yes, I know I'm pathetic...it's not even 9 and I'm going to bed, but this lady is beat!