One of the many reasons why I'm a horrible mom.

Growing up eating together as a family at the table was a complete rarity. My father never sat down and ate with us, so we often all ate in front of the TV. On days when we all did sit together, it was for a "special occasion".

I vividly remember one day when my mother bought shrimp for dinner. I was probably no more than 7 or 8. I was sooo excited; we were going to have a "fancy" dinner and we were all going to eat together...at the table. I helped my mom set the table and coaxed my dad out of his room and away from the television. We all finally sat down and when I went to pull my chair in, I grabbed a hold of the table and pulled. This was an old rickety table so when I did this the whole thing shook and my milk ended up spilling everywhere. My dad blew up. Freaked out on me. Yelled at me and humiliated me. He then grabbed his plate, went to his room and slammed the door. I had ruined our family dinner. Ruined it.

Because of this and many other similar events, my father is no longer a part of my life. More importantly I try try try to never yell at Joaquin like my dad yelled at me, especially for accidents like spilling things. I try and make it very matter of fact, oh well, let's clean it up, kind of thing. It's hard not to get frustrated sometimes. But I have to try.

Another big thing that came from this was my want to have family meals, at a table, regularly.

I have failed horribly at this. Horribly.

We have such a tiny space for our "dining area" it's silly. When it was just Dan and I, it was romantic and cute. We would squeeze in and have sweet intimate meals together. Now with three of us, it's just not possible. When the three of cram ourselves in that small space it's nearly claustrophobic. So, we have fallen into the trap of eating meals in front of the TV.

I hate it. I feel like a failure every time I set Joaquin down to eat in front of the television. What bothers me most, is that he is getting used to it. It's now a habit for him and I caused it.

I dream of the day of having a space large enough for a large dining table where we can all sit and eat together. I drool over dining tables in stores and catalogs.

This morning I had had enough. It was just Joaquin and I for breakfast since Dan had to work. I made a decision. Anytime it's just the two of us, we're eating at the table.

Here he is this morning enjoying the view and a cup of chamomile tea. And can you guess what those towels on the floor were for? Yep, he spilled his tea. No biggie, right?





I just have to fix this now, before it becomes too much of a habit for him. I just hope I can follow through.

Under Construction

Our street has been under construction for the past week or so. They're re-doing some sewer pipe or something important like that. It's been a complete hassle since we can't park on our street and very noisy construction is going on all day long. Of course none of that matters because Joaquin is in love. He is infatuated with these so called "tractors". I don't think that's what they're really called, but that's what Joaquin calls them. I managed to get some cute shots of him hugging his "tractor" while lusting after the real ones.

Losing my "reset button"

Since I got pregnant, I've been slowly encouraging the idea of weaning to Joaquin. I'm just not one of those amazing souls who are willing to take an adventure in tandem nursing. So my hope is to wean at least a few months before the new baby comes...It's been going surprisingly well.

Our biggest accomplishment has been to cut out nursing to sleep which has lead to totally night weaning. All it took was me asking him to go to sleep like he does at school. For some amazingly strange reason, he just simply falls asleep at school come nap time. I kept asking them what were they doing to make him do it, and they kept telling me that he just laid down and went to sleep! So one night I got up my nerve and asked him to do the same. And he did it. He just laid down, closed his eyes and went to sleep. Who knew all this time I just had to ask the kid?!? Since he doesn't nurse to sleep, he doesn't wake up to nurse. It's amazing.

Since this incredible evening he has slowed down a lot during the day too. For a couple of weeks there, he was only nursing every couple of days. Then he got sick, and has been nursing once or twice a day. This is still a huge accomplishment for us and as soon as he gets over this I'm sure he will slow down again.

One huge thing I've noticed during this transition though is the loss of my trusty "reset button". If he was freaking out, tantruming and/or straight up losing his sh*t, I knew I could always nurse him back to sanity. It just took a few minutes on the boob and he would reset back to his sweet sweet self.

This morning, I don't know what happened, but he fuh-lipped. I tried to distract him. I tried to hug him. I tried to ignore him. I even tried to pawn him off on his father. Food? nope. Drink? nope. A freaking cookie? Nope. I didn't offer milk because I'm trying to stick to the don't offer don't refuse philosophy. So when he finally asked for milk, I agreed. Within minutes he was done and ready for the zoo, like his head wasn't spinning in full on circles just 5 minutes earlier.

So what do I do? Once the milk is totally gone and no longer an option how do I reset him when he goes all satan's spawn on me? My boobs have not failed me for over two years now, I have no other tricks in my bag! So all you wise mamas out there...speak up, I need some tips, tricks and whatever else you'll give me! I'll take it!

I've got a belly!

Here are some shots of my quickly growing belly. I can only imagine how huge I'm going to be by the end!

Here I am at 12 weeks and 5 days...



And here I am last night at 15 weeks and 3 days...

Thought I was in the clear.

I've been getting headaches every weekend for the past couple of months now. I talked to my midwife and she referred to them as "Vacation Migraines". I guess just when you can finally relax, your brain opens some blood vessels and then BAM, you get a headache. In my case these migraines last 3 to 4 days.

Last week was a particularly stressful and emotional week, so I didn't really start to relax much this weekend until last night and this morning. My mom took Joaquin for the night so Dan and I had the night to ourselves to celebrate the upcoming anniversary of his birth. We went for a drink at our old hang out, The Livewire, and then off to a mellow dinner at a new place, Blind Lady Ale House. We made it home fairly early and got to actually sit through a whole movie without toddler like interruptions. I even managed a whole night's sleep without having to wake up! This morning we slept in and went for a leisurely cheap diner breakfast.

So of course my body just couldn't handle all this relaxing and sure enough I currently have a pounding headache. My only consolation is that I'll go to work tomorrow and with all the joys my workday will bring, I'm pretty sure my headache will leave soon.

I wish...

I wish things were different. I really do.