Saturday, August 9, 2008

Shamu poop.

We were all off to a slow and foggy start today, so when Dan suggested we go get something to eat and maybe head to his parents, I had no idea I had so dangerously under packed the diaper bag. Off we went with only one diaper and no wipes. While at the restaurant I discovered we had left the house sans wipes, but didn't think it was too big of a deal; Joaquin is a regular morning pooper, we very rarely get any poop action outside of the morning hours. I repeat, rarely.

Instead of going to his parents Dan thought Sea World might be kind of fun. I knew we were under prepared, but also figured we would only be there for a couple of hours max so I agreed. We got in and decided to check out the Shamu show, Joaquin loves the part where they get the crowd cheering along while the whales splash the audience. We parked the stroller and I pulled Joaquin out, as I did this I got a whiff of something so incredibly foul I turned and made a face at Dan. As we walked away, all hand in hand, Dan tells me "Jeez, something sure was stinky over there", "I know right, disgusting." We climbed the bleachers and found some seats high up and away from all the crowds. As we sat Dan complained about "that smell" again and then he looked at me groaned "I think it's Joaquin." He then pulled up his shirt to find orangish brown chunky poop squeezed out of the top of his shorts. It was on his shorts and on his shirt and on Dan's hand. "Shit. I forgot the wipes." I sat there for a minute to assess the situation and to decide on our next move as Dan gaped at his hand. In an attempt to avoid a meltdown, we told Joaquin we were going for a walk and high tailed it to the diaper changing room. I was hoping for a secret cabinet of supplies, but to no avail. Instead we were forced to wet paper towels with soap and water and try and wipe him up as well as we could. It was seriously a two man job. He was wearing a cloth diaper and I honestly considered just throwing it out, it was so vile. But Dan wiped it up and wrapped it up in paper towels instead. We put on his one diaper and walked back to the stadium. We made it through our mini-crisis with only the lingering stink on our hands...or so we thought.

Joaquin got right into the show while standing next to me on the bench, I had my arm around him and within a few minutes I felt a rumble under my hand and a stench quickly followed. "I think he pooped again", I mumbled to Dan, not quite believing it. But I peeked in his diaper and sure enough, he had let go of another load. The smell made me want to vomit in my mouth. We both sat there not sure what the hell to do, but the smell was starting to make me dizzy. I remembered when I worked there in High School, the first aide booth always handed out necessities to the guests so I figured it was worth a shot to beg for a diaper. Off we went, again. We grabbed the stroller and power walked to the first aide booth. I walked in stumbling over my words, "Do you, um, have like, um, emergency diapers?" The girl grinned at me and then at Joaquin who was cheerfully waving "hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi". All I could imagine was all the poop squeezing out of his diaper onto his shorts and possibly my arms. "No, we don't but the store across the way sells them." I was about to walk in when Dan stopped me, "You can't take him in there, he STINKS." We both had been cringing since the first poop discovery from this stink. I swear I have never smelled a stink like this come out of my child, ever. We waited outside while he got the diaper. Then we cleaned him up with wet soapy paper towels all over again. This time we had a bag to stick the dirty diapers in, but as I was wiping the diaper up I gagged, then gagged again. Dan moved out of my way as I dry heaved. Luckily I took control and didn't vomit all over the changing room, but I had never been so close. We considered going back out to the park, but decided we had had enough adventure for one day so we headed home where Joaquin went straight into the bath and I to a glass of wine.


veganmomma said...

wow, what have you been feeding that kid?!:)
You are lucky though that this was such a rare occasion. I frequently am left with those surprises, and yes, I've had to do the wet paper towel thing before. Almost makes me want to throw up thinking about it.

LisaBella said...

Great writing!! What a good laugh! I totally get that gagging with big loads :)

Kimberly said...

Holy hell... I'm laughing out loud in my office! Girl... I do not envy you, though I know my day is coming. I remember having a preschool class with a girl in it who had the MOST FOUL diapers we used to have one person spraying air freshener into the air while the other did the changing -- it was THAT foul.

Congrats on making it through that experience. I miss you!

Iris said...

Ah, I finally read the much talked about poop story. Hilarious!