Work is so tough and overwhelming right now, I really need to start to focus on the good around me or I'm headed for a downward spiral.
Not only have I taken on the responsibility of a department chair, the department chair job now has more responsibilities due to some serious cuts from the top. That in itself would be enough to cause some work stress, but I am also back in the classroom this year. The decision to do the department chair job was totally my choice, as was the choice to go back into the classroom. They are both choices I completely regret.
I have one class with over 20 students, the other nearing 20. Twenty Special Education Non-Diploma Bound students. These students have some very intense educational, behavioral and emotional needs and there are way too many in these classrooms, so essentially me and the other Non-Diploma Bound teacher are just babysitting. I've been cussed out in both English and Spanish, dealt with near fights and have had to stand very tall and strong in the face of attempted intimidation. Keeping them on task for even half the period is a small miracle. Don't get me wrong, I love to teach, I just wish I could do more of it.
What's crazy, is that my classes aren't even the main culprits of my stress. The majority is coming from dealing with my colleagues and administration. It just amazes me how hard people will work to do as little as possible and how difficult it is to get people to really support you. It really makes me think long and hard in regards to Joaquin's education and whether or not we will do traditional public education. But that's a different story. I wish I could elaborate more on this topic, but alas, I must keep my mouth shut and my fingers bound. I've said enough as it is.
So back to my original thought. I need to find things that make me happy, happy on a daily basis. I'm so beat, I seriously have to think about it. What makes me happy right now? What little things can I do every day that will simply make me smile and push the seven hours of crap out of my mind?
I'm not sure right now, but hopefully I'll be able to come back soon and tell you.