Yesterday Joaquin went to my parent's for most of the day. They try and snag him any chance they can get and as you know, we had a bunch of stuff to do. Well, today started out like any other day, totally mellow and no conflicts, but all of a sudden Joaquin started saying that he wanted to go back to Lita's (my mom's) house. He then proceeded to tell me that I'm boring and that he was going to go live with Lita. He packed his bag and begged for my car keys for so he can leave us. Dan told him he could take the truck.
Dan seemed to think this was funny and when I was talking to my mom earlier she had told me that Joaquin had told her last night that he wanted to live there and that he wanted her to be his mommy. I know, I know...all kids say these things. I know, I know...I shouldn't take it personally. But I did. It crushed me.
The thing is, even though I'm now on a part-time schedule, I'm still feeling incredibly pulled too thin. I'm trying to do soooo much alllll the time. It seems like I am never doing less than two things at one time..and if I am trying to do just one thing, my mind is wandering all over the place to all the things I should be doing. The list of things I need to do are always running through my head, always.
I put so much of myself into all this stuff that "needs" to get done that I just go through the motions, getting them done as fast and efficiently as possible, not having much fun doing them and then not having much energy or time to simply have fun with my kids.
Joaquin loves going to hang out with my mom because all they do is play. I don't. I don't play with him. I just go through the day, crossing off the things on my list and not having any fun doing it. OK, maybe there is some fun, but not enough of it.
After some tears, facebook exchanges, words with my mom, Dan and Joaquin I realized that maybe I need to not worry so much about the house getting cleaned up every day, running that errand or two or starting that home improvement project or ten. Or if I do, maybe we need to make it a little bit more fun...for all of us.
So, I'm going to get my copy of Playful Parenting back in my hands and do some reading. I'm going to try and let go of some of my to-do list. I'm going to try and make the execution of the items that stay on my to-do list more fun, and if that's not possible, I'm going to make sure I leave some room for fun and smiles with my family somewhere in my day...
Any suggestions on how to make this happen are of course always welcome!