This morning.

Today has been one of those mornings here at work, where it has been one emotionally exhausting thing right after another.

You all know about my mow hawk boy, well he's been pissed off at me lately. He tried ditching a few days ago again and I called him out on it, so in his eyes, I turned all mean and evil teacher on him. He has been giving me the cold shoulder and today I decided to try my luck and attempted to talk to him. He totally tried to blow me off and told me he didn't care about anything anymore. After using some humor and begging I finally got him to come sit with me outside. He started opening up a bit and I learned a lot more about his home life. It's not the worst situation I've seen, but still very hard. I can't blame him for being so pissed off all the time.

These conversations are hard. I have to hold it together, be understanding, listen when they want to talk and not take it personally when they don't. I find myself using silliness and humor a lot, so far it's a tactic that gets me the farthest with these kids. But I don't always have the energy for it.

We went back in class and I saw one of my girls grimacing while holding her stomach. She asked me the other day if there was anything, other than being pregnant, that could cause someone to miss their period. She told me it was because of her friend. Um. Yeah. Right. So I've been keeping my eye on her. After class we took a little field trip to the Health Center here on campus. She swore to me she was not having sex, but yes, she was the one with the missed periods. She also seemed incredibly unsure when I asked if she could be pregnant. She is 14 and has many many emotional problems. Her home life is a disaster. I stayed upbeat and professional, but during our walk to the health center all I could think about is "what in the hell is going to happen if this test comes out positive". I stayed with her while she was seen by a nurse practitioner and took the test. It was negative.

She wasn't in much of a state to immediately go back to class so she followed me back to my office. There, I had a message from a mom. Mom is upset because her son, who is a senior, is not going to graduate because of the CA High School Exit Exam. This is the first year that students with IEPs have had to take the exam to graduate. Without the exam our graduation rate for kids with IEPs is next to nothing. This year, it's more like nothing. Well, we have a couple, but my student isn't one of them. Breaking the news to him earlier this week was heartbreaking. He has busted ass to complete all the graduation requirements. But this test, this test. He's taken it five times and he just can't get past the math portion. His words with tears in his eyes were "four years, four years...all gone because of this fucking test". Today, I got word that he will still be able to walk at Graduation in June if I move him onto another program that will continue to administer the test (with modifications) until he passes! Mom was ecstatic, I still haven't told my boy. I'm sending out a pass as I write this.

There was still more drama that followed, but I'm tired of writing about it and I'm sure you're tired of reading about it. This is a long entry and I know those can get boring. On to the rest of the day.

Joaquin has a girlfriend...

and her name is Lila.

They fight over sippy cups...











look at ducks...







and fly kites together.





They even hold hands...



while talking about the birds.



And they are just plain cute together.

Well, we survived.

Holy jeez, was this an interesting camping trip. I'm still trying to determine if it was a success or not. Either way, I have learned a lot for future trips when it comes to camping with a toddler.



My initial concerns and assumptions were right on. He wanted to play and touch EVERY thing that was totally unsuitable for a little person. This includes bottles of beer, cups of wine, cans of beer, lighters, percolators, cartons of eggs, can openers, cameras, bottles of lighter fluid, lanterns, bottles of propane and axes. Note to self: do not store, set or leave any of the previously mentioned items in reaching distance of little people. This is kind of hard to accomplish when the only storage space higher than 2 feet off the ground is only a 2 by 3 foot table.



We did go on a small hike and he enjoyed it while riding on my back. He also got to fly a kite, play in some bubbles from a bubble machine, play guitar, chew - I mean play with a fan, stack blocks of fire pit wood, chase the dog and play a bit with his sand toys. Unfortunately none of these things were nearly as interesting as those previously mentioned items above. Obviously.





For next time, I think having more tables to store the not kid friendly items would be incredibly helpful. It might also help to actually put things away when not in use. He is pretty good about not grabbing at items anymore once it is explained that it can be "hot" "ouch" or "yuck". But it's exhausting chasing after him full time shouting "HOT" "OUCH" YUCK" over and over and over and over. Plus, I'm sure it got kind of old for him too. Next time, we'll be out in the woods and not the desert so I think it will also be easier to play in nature a bit more. There is only so much a toddler can do with sand, rocks and cactus.





But, seriously, even though I was completely worn out within 5 hours of our arrival, he seemed to really be having a good time and he was never seriously injured. In all honesty, there was not a single meltdown within those 24 hours. So, I guess by just using that single assessment, I can call it a success.

How does one entertain a 16 month old in the desert?

So far we've gone camping with Joaquin twice. The first time, he was about 5 months old and not mobile. No problem. The second time he was crawling. That was a bit more of a challenge because he just wanted to crawl around in the dirt. He spent a lot of time on his blanket with me, on my back in the ergo and in his stroller.

Now he is walking, running and all over the place and we're headed to the desert this weekend for a one-nighter. I am sure he will have a blast as he LOVES being outside. I also think, now that he's walking, it will be easier than the crawling trip. But I am a little worried about what he'll get into, now that he is exploring so much and if he'll get bored. We'll do plenty of walks, and he'll spend lots of that time on my back and on his own two little feet. But, back at the campground, will he get bored? What should I take, if anything, to entertain him? I imagine he will be all into the camping gear which may or may not be suitable for a child of his age. I also imagine him dragging things back and forth across the campground, but what will those "things" be? I'm considering bringing along some sand toys, but I'm a bit worried about those gnarly red desert ants. I also know that any of his normal toys will be so ho-hum to him compared to all the new "toys", such as the lantern, stove, axe, lighter, fire pit etc etc.

It should be a beautiful weekend out there, and I'm really looking forward to some great photo opportunities, but I keep getting my panties all in a bunch about this.

Please, all you wise people out there in internet land...help me!!

I got to nap today.

I got to nap today, and it was freaking awesome. Not a 10 minute cat nap, either. But a real one hour nap. Not only that, I got to sleep in until like, eight thirty!! And when I got up, Dan was feeding Joaquin, he had changed his diaper and there was coffee ready. Perfect.

After that, Joaquin and I went to my mom's for a super late breakfast. A bunch of family showed up and we celebrated a few birthdays with cake and mimosas. It was absolutely lovely. Joaquin is getting old enough to actually play with his cousins. He follows his older cousin, Amor, like a little puppy dog and it's stinkin' adorable.



Yesterday morning, we went down to Lake Murray for a walk. It was such a perfect picture taking day with some nice cloud cover to keep away the harsh shadows. The photo below should take you to the flickr stream if you're interested.



I've been trying to cram in as much as I can on the weekends now, but trying to relax and enjoy them at the same time. I would have to say, that this weekend was a success.

I hope he knows I care.

I have a student on my caseload that I've been really struggling with lately. He is a really cool kid, but very different than most boys at our school. He's a total punk rocker, complete with green Mohawk. So not the typical hip hop jock that are our norm. He's super quiet, respectful to me, but does a whole lot of nothing. Then he disappeared for almost a week. When I called home to see if he was OK, Dad was confused. He's been at school all week he tells me. Um, no he hasn't actually. Turns out our boy was leaving home every morning and "going" to school. Only he wasn't making it here. Dad was pissed, rightfully so. But I didn't make a huge deal out of it with Dad because he came across as very straight laced and had the whole machismo thing going. I got the hint that he would be plenty hard on him without my egging him on.

The next day, when he came to school, I made a deal with our boy. If he did what he had to do here at school, I was going to hook him up with a friend of mine that owns a skateboarding company. We talked about possibly getting him a tour, a goodie bag or maybe even a chance to meet a pro skater. Either way, this kid was stoked, he wasn't quite believing me, but stoked. He signed his contract promising he was going to do his best and I signed it promising he had a pretty cool goal to work towards. I felt like I was finally getting somewhere with him. I found his motivation, his soft spot. He smiled, he talked to me and actually started to open up.

We then had Spring Break and I saw him yesterday after our week off. He didn't forget our deal and was actually putting forth some effort first period. He told me that he was staying with his older brother because he was still fighting with his dad about his disappearing act.

Then I saw him this morning. He didn't look at me. He had the hood of his sweatshirt low over his face. He put his head down. He ignored the teacher. He refused to do anything.

I asked him to step outside. When I met him out there, there were tears in his eyes.

What happened? Nothing. Are you OK? Silence. What happened? Nothing. Are you mad? Yes. Why? Shakes head. Did something happen in class? No. At home? Yes. With your brother? No. Your dad? Yes.

It was like twenty questions, only not nearly as fun.

Did you get in a fight? Yes. Did he take something away from you? No. Yes. No. I don't know.

I looked at him, studied his face trying to find a clue. Then I noticed the hood. Why did he have the hood?

Did he make you cut your hair? Yes. He shaved it off.

What? Why? Because it was the only thing I liked about myself.

My heart broke. I wanted to scoop him up and help him, fix him. But there wasn't anything I could do.

I understand consequences and I wish I dealt with more parents that actually provided consequences and discipline for their children. But this was too much. That green Mohawk was him. And he just took it away.

I talked with him. I tried to comfort him, tell him that his hair will grow back. That it wasn't the only thing that made him who he was. He is still him, still punk rock, still the same cool kid. I know I was just some stupid adult to him. But I hope something stuck. I hope he knows that I care. I hope he knows that I am trying to understand, that I won't write him off.

Most of all, I hope tonight, he is OK.

The countdown begins...12 weeks.

Things have been so crazy lately, I'm really hoping that life can return to some kind of normalcy. Normal now is, and will continue to be, very different than our previous normal, but I just want to get back into a groove. Ever since Dan lost his job, each week has been a new adventure. I loved my time off this last week, but I'm actually looking forward to the rest of this week since that means getting back into a routine. Obviously, I'm not looking forward to all the time away from Joaquin, but I think Dan needs this time too to get back into his Daddy groove. This new routine will stick around for 12 weeks and then I'm off for the summer! Well, as long as I don't have to work summer school...my fingers are crossed.

Remember my ILP Goals for 2008? Well, we've just accomplished number two!! Yep, we got my D-SLR and I adore it!!! I was a crazy picture taking lady this weekend and here are some of my faves. If you click on any of them, it should take you back to flickr where there are a bunch more. It feels so good to be creative again!













There are so many beginnings of blog entries swimming in my mind right now, I'm having a hard time finding any focus. So, sorry if this entry is a bit of a mish mash. But I cross my heart and hope to die that I will have some semi-decent blog entries in the somewhat near future.