Saturday, February 23, 2008

Suddenly, everything has changed.

Yesterday was an interesting day. As you know, I was on my fifth day of a headache from hell. I get headaches often and they usually last a few days, but 5 days was more than I could handle. After a late morning nap with Joaquin, I woke up to a nearly pain free head. As the day went on, it slowly disappeared completely. Usually when my headaches go away, they leave me full of energy and in a great mood, so by evening when Dan came home, I was ready to beg for a few free hours to spend with some of my playgroup mama friends for a drink or two.

That is when everything changed. He came home with some news that we're both still digesting.

He lost his job. He was laid off. Let go.

I can't say we're upset, because he hated his job and I hated it for him. We knew this was coming with the way the company was doing business lately, and we were somewhat hoping for it. But now that it has actually happened, we're both left a little in disbelief.

We're kind of giddy and excited, looking to the future and hoping for some positive changes. But of course we're scared shitless of what this could do to us financially. There are so many questions that don't have answers.

Will I have to go back to work full time? If so, when? Will he be happy as a stay at home dad until he finds a job? Will he find something where he will be happy? Will it bring in enough money to maybe let me be a stay at home mom in the future? How long until he finds a job? Any job? If it doesn't bring in enough will we both end up working full time with a child in daycare? Will we lose our home? Will we end up better off or worse off? Is this a good thing? A bad thing?

There are no answers and our plan is still in the works. He is excited to get some real quality time with Joaquin and for that I'm grateful. But there are so many mixed emotions right now, I just don't know what to feel.

This uncertainty...depending on the angle of your view, it can be so very exciting and hopeful. Or it can be so deathly frightening.


Jen said...

wow, that's tough! things happen for a reason...

Elaine said...

When Lily was about 14 months old Mark and I were stuck in this really awful place. He hated what he was doing and I was struggling so deeply with identity crap that we were bickering all the time and things were kinda falling apart. When Mark uttered the words, "You're not the person I married" I had a total breakdown and told the universe it was time to pony up and give me a sign.

The next day I got a phone call from a woman I used to work with telling me about an absolutely perfect job. So we switched. He stayed home and I became the full time bread winner.

Two weeks later I was pregnant with Anya. BUT! It turned around everything for us. It was what we needed when we needed it. And for that, I am thankful. We reversed roles again nine months later and have been allowing our roles to shift as needed. It's been hard at times but is working for our family.

I'm thrilled to see that you both see this as an opportunity, because that really is what you are being offered.

Can't wait to read what will happen next!

Luci said...

Wow, the unknown is quite scary, I know. It's true that it happens for a reason, but just the not knowing part...that is tough.

Kimberly said...

Things do happen for a reason... It's totally scary and you know what I've been going through with DH, but it has brought us closer and I can only hope that our latest plan is the right solution for us.

It will all work out!