Yesterday was an interesting day. As you know, I was on my fifth day of a headache from hell. I get headaches often and they usually last a few days, but 5 days was more than I could handle. After a late morning nap with Joaquin, I woke up to a nearly pain free head. As the day went on, it slowly disappeared completely. Usually when my headaches go away, they leave me full of energy and in a great mood, so by evening when Dan came home, I was ready to beg for a few free hours to spend with some of my playgroup mama friends for a drink or two.
That is when everything changed. He came home with some news that we're both still digesting.
He lost his job. He was laid off. Let go.
I can't say we're upset, because he hated his job and I hated it for him. We knew this was coming with the way the company was doing business lately, and we were somewhat hoping for it. But now that it has actually happened, we're both left a little in disbelief.
We're kind of giddy and excited, looking to the future and hoping for some positive changes. But of course we're scared shitless of what this could do to us financially. There are so many questions that don't have answers.
Will I have to go back to work full time? If so, when? Will he be happy as a stay at home dad until he finds a job? Will he find something where he will be happy? Will it bring in enough money to maybe let me be a stay at home mom in the future? How long until he finds a job? Any job? If it doesn't bring in enough will we both end up working full time with a child in daycare? Will we lose our home? Will we end up better off or worse off? Is this a good thing? A bad thing?
There are no answers and our plan is still in the works. He is excited to get some real quality time with Joaquin and for that I'm grateful. But there are so many mixed emotions right now, I just don't know what to feel.
This uncertainty...depending on the angle of your view, it can be so very exciting and hopeful. Or it can be so deathly frightening.